Patience

This summer has been one of the hardest, longest, but meaningful summers I have ever had in my life.  There were many days when I wanted to give up because I felt like I didn't have any plans for my life, nothing was going the way that I had planned.  My summer started off with breaking up with a guy I was seriously dating that I met at school, I didn't receive the job that I was promised for the summer, and I had a major change in my academic career choice. With one thing happening after another, I was having a really hard time having hope for my future. 

I sought advice from my bishop, my parents, close family friends, scriptures and articles from LDS.org.  I attended Institute every night that I could.  I spent many night in bed praying with all my heart, might, mind and strength.  I felt alone a huge chunk of summer.  I watched as it seemed like many young adults my age were moving forward in their lives while it seemed like I was lagging behind, not moving forward with my own life.  (You can read last months post about faith for more details.)  Since April, I have been waiting for an answer as to why things in my life the way they were.  

Ironically enough, this morning as I was reading from the Book of Mormon there is a verse in Alma chapter 34 verse 41 reads, "But that ye have patience, and bear with those afflictions; with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions."

THEN! This morning I was reading this months Ensign where there is an article titled Patience: More Than Waiting by Hilary Olsen.  In it, Sister Olsen quotes a lot from Elder Neil A. Maxwell's (1926-2004), a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, talk on patience of a speech he gave at BYU.  If I could, I would quote the whole talk! Highly recommended read, for full access to his talk click here.

"Patience is not indifference.  Actually it means caring very much but being willing, nevertheless, to submit to the Lord and to what the scriptures call 'process of time'.  Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father.

Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. Either way we are questioning the reality of God‘s omniscience as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship and were not quite in charge of everything."

While reading through the article, I knew that I had received my answer to the unlimited amount of prayers from nights that I felt the lowest of the lows.  Having the attribute of patience is hard to come by, it is hard to develop.  The more that we are patient, the more we become like our Savior Jesus Christ.  "Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance."  I needed the time at home to become more patient with myself, my circumstances, and my Heavenly Father.  We cannot become impatient when we things don't go they way we had  planned, like I did this summer.  Elder Maxwell says, "When we are impatient, we are neither reverential nor reflective because we are too self-centered."  It is so easy to be impulsive without being insightful.  I admit that it was hard for me to be patient for an answer, or to let go of the things that I couldn't control in my life.  But I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father knows us better than anyone else.  He knows that I am a slow learner and I needed these five months of being at home to gain a Christ-like attribute of patience.  

For those of who who have read this, I hope that you've gained some insight to my rambling and disorganized thoughts.  I am grateful for this Gospel in my life and the guidance that it rules in my decision making.  I am grateful for my family that loves me no matter what, and for how forgiving as well as patient they are for me.  

Elder Maxwell puts it into better words than I ever could.  "Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead, instead of demeaning the particular flatness through which we may be passing at the time."